Disclaimer: the following article is based on a limited number of non-scientific observations. Not to be sexist, but does it seem as if granddads play a different role from grandmas? Simple observation will reveal that when grandchildren are newborns and infants, grandmothers seem to do most of the holding, cooing, rocking, diapering, feeding, etc. Timing is almost everything, and your time will come — just a bit later.
Actually, the role of both grandparents is to love and nurture their grandchild. But the activities through which they provide that love and nurture can be quite different. Grandpas have freedom, maybe even a license, to do wild and crazy things with their grandkids within reason. For example, they can be a participant in an imaginative story about knights or princesses, or imitate wild animals with growls and funny motions.
If you want to develop a closer relationship with teen grandchildren, the key is arranging for one-on-one time, without parents in the picture. Here are some suggestions:. Explore the world from each other's perspective. Take a field trip to a neighborhood where you grew up to see what's there now.
If you have photos of what it looked like years ago, share them and talk about how it has changed. Likewise, ask your grandchildren to show you their school, favorite store or hangout.
Discuss what each of you enjoys and dislikes about your life now and in the past. How have times changed or stayed the same? When you can, attend your grandchildren's school functions or athletic events and cheer them on. See a movie, play or sporting event together. Before you pick an activity, make sure it suits your grandchild's interests. Afterward, go out to eat and discuss what you watched. Ask for your grandchild's opinion and listen closely without interrupting.
They want to be included in every family celebration, outing, and vacation. Sometimes the younger generation is all on board.
For example, multi-generational vacations have some definite advantages, including having grandparent babysitters. Keep in mind that while your kids and grandkids probably love spending lots of time with you, sometimes, they may also want time alone with their circle of close friends and other grandparents. It's natural to want to spend special days like holidays with grandchildren, but there are ways to make sure everyone gets their needs met.
Sometimes the two sides of the family can be merged into a single celebration, but this doesn't work for every family. Some families choose to alternate years and celebrate early or late rather than on the actual holiday. Child-rearing has changed tremendously since most grandparents were parents. That means that sometimes you may need to be brought up to speed on new guidelines or ways of doing things. With newborns, for example, caregivers are instructed not put them to sleep on their tummies because that increases the risk of SIDS.
Likewise, more recent research has led to recommendations to avoid baby powder and cribs with wide slats or bumper pads because these can lead to breathing problems or suffocation. Cereal in bottles has also been shown to be too hard for baby's tummies to handle, and it can increase the risk of allergies. Remember that changes in child-rearing are usually based on the most current research on child health and safety.
If you want to get up to speed quickly, taking a grandparenting class before your first grandchild arrives can be a great way to do so. Not only do classes help to inform you about best practices, they also demonstrate to your kids that you take your new role seriously. Check with your local hospital about grandparent classes.
If they don't offer them, they may be able to refer you to a local class. As your grandchildren get older, respect food restrictions, bedtimes, and your kids' rules in general. If you're having a sleepover, and you want to bend something like bedtime rules, be sure to communicate your thoughts with your child. Making sure everyone is on the same page can help you avoid unnecessary conflict or hurt feelings. When the generations clash, it may be temping to say, "I didn't bring you up that way!
Adults make their own decisions, and sometimes they change their minds about something they were taught as children. Chances are, you probably did, too. So try not to take it personally if your children or grandchildren choose a different religion, hold differing political views , or parenting philosophies.
Being a parent is a hard job, and grown children deserve support as they endeavor to do their best. New parents are especially vulnerable to any suggestion that they should have done something differently. Even if you disagree with some of your children's parenting rules, keep in mind that a grandparent's role is to support the family culture that your child is working to establish.
Flippant remarks or humorous quips may cut a vulnerable parent to the quick. Comparisons can also be really hurtful so avoid comparing your grandchild's performance or development to another child's. A grandparent's right to spoil grandchildren is firmly ensconced in our culture, but reasonable grandparents know that there are limits. Say no when your grandchild asks for something that their parents don't allow, whether it's a sweet treat or an extra hour of television.
And, of course, say no when the grandchildren ask for something that could harm their health or safety.
0コメント